Kidnapping Koma

I couldn't believe my ears.

"You want me to kidnap and interrogate Koma?" I asked Gyrobo. "But...but..."

"Why, yes my dear. You'll be perfect at it!" the robot said cheerfully. "After all, he's been gunning for you since day one. Wouldn't you say you have an axe to grind?"

"Hmmm, since you put it that way..."

"I knew you'd agree. Here, when you're done use this on him." Gyrobo handed me a small device.



"What will it do?" I asked, hoping my still wild electrical charges wouldn't fry the innards.

"Oh, you'll see." He laughed somewhat maniacally.

"Well, ok." I retreat to the inner rooms Gyrobo set aside and contemplate my next move. Obviously Koma is expecting us. It was nice of him to let us know where he's at. 2 hours south of Melbourne...unless it's a misdirective...

Wolverine storms in. "I can't believe that punk called me smelly."

I look him up and down. "I can't believe he called you little."

"So darlin'...want some help."

"Quite. Let me call the boys and we'll be on our way." Shatner and Kenobi have been hanging around me ever since I gave them those jobs when we were doing the Dagobah gig. I place a few quick calls on me cellphone and soon Kenobi materializes in front of me and Shatner beams in. "Ok,Kenobi...I need you to scout this out. Find Koma. He is really two hours south of Melbourne? Shatner...when Kenobi sends the word, I'll need you to either beam us there...or..."

"Beam...him...here..." Shatner grins evily.

"Exactly."

While we wait, I indulge a little.



Just a little.

A few happy hours later, Kenobi gives us the location.

"So, what...do...you want...us...to do..." Shatner asked.

I consider. "Kenobi, lure him outdoors...and then Billy-boy, you beam the cocky aussie here..."

"Yes, Your majesty," Kenobi said with a nod of his head, disappearing again. I never should have told him I was a princess.

Shatner rubbed his hands gleefully and began chattering into his communicator.

I tune mine into Kenobi's end and listen...



"Now!" Shatner shouted.

A stunned Koma was deposited infront of us.

I nod to Wolverine who knocks the Aussie upside the head and ties him into a chair. Too bad there wasn't more of a struggle, there's nothing quite like watching male muscles. But that's beside the point, isn't it? Bennet would accuse me of thinking like a man and give me a hard time about it.

Rising slowly to my feet, I toss the rest of my wine into Koma's face.

"You!" he cries, waking back up. "I should have known it would be you, you red-headed..."

I can hear the electricity crackling at my fingetips. Koma apparently brings it out in me. "Go ahead...call me a harridan...one more time..."

Koma reconsiders. "Uhm, red-headed amazon..."

"That's better." I move slowly, gracefully around the table. Reaching out my hands, I act like I'm going to caress his cheek.

"No!" He starts crying. "Please! The last time you touched me, I was out for hours."

"That would explain your sudden obsession with ducks," I reply remember how I had accidently knocked him unconscious. He was never right after that.

"Actually, I've always loved ducks," he said, still sobbing.

"Nevermind." I reign my power in. "Come now, Koma. Don't make this hard for any of us. Just tell us what we want to know, and we'll go easy on you"

"Like I believe your promises. I don't know anything about the beer consipracy. Nor do I know the combination code to the Australian fence."

"Or the secret ingredient to the beer, I would imagine."

"Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows it's kangaroo pee..."

"Do you think I'm that stupid?" I demand. I step closer to the silly purple man and get in his face. "Kangaroo pee doesn't explain the addictive quality, or the mind numbing side effect that allows the drinker to be hypnotized and seduced."

Koma doesn't answer and I realize where he's looking. I slap him hard. "Quit looking at my boobs!"

"But you put them right in my face!"

"That doesn't give you permission to stare!" I walk away. "Wolverine, beat some sense into him."

"With pleasure."



"Noooo!" Koma starts crying again. "Please, don't..."

"Then give me what I want!" I storm back to him. "Tell me the numbers, the ingredient...everything!"

"I...."

In a heart beat, I change tactic. "Koma, Koma, Koma..." I lean in close again. "Would you like to see them closer? What about touch them? Be with a real woman instead of those lame synthoids."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," mutters Wolverine.

"Give me a real woman and I will!" Koma nearly shouted. "You're no woman..."

I slap him again, this time releasing a touch of electricity. Just enough to put a glaze in his eyes.

"I've seen her in the bath," Wolverine admitted. "She's more woman than you'd ever be able to handle, bub."

"You weren't supposed to tell!" I hissed.

"7 - 4 - 4 - B..." Koma started to drool. "5."

I transmit the numbers to Gyrobo, hoping the silly purple man isn't just rambling.

"Hydroxy Solution #248, with a dash of NHY-987-O."

Well, not sure what to do with that but I'm sure it'll come in handy sometime.

"Go on Koma...what else..." I give him another small zap of electricity.

"I love ducks..."

"That's no secret...unless you mean..."

"I'm wearing pretty underwear..."

"I see."

I call Gyrobo. "What do you think?"

He laughs mechanically. "The code's legit, as are the ingredients. Good job, girl. Now use that button on him and leave him to me."

"Ok Boss," I reply. I snap my phone shut.

"I know now's not the time for a stupid question, but..." Wolverine scratched his ear. "Why do we need the combination to the fence? Why can't we just have your...Billy-boy beam him in and out?"

"Australia raised their Ionized Particle Shield when we beamed him out," Shatner answered from the corner, managing to string an entire sentence together. But it didn't last long. "Can't...beam...through."

"Good enough?" I asked Wolverine as I pulled out the device Gyrobo had given me.

"Yup."

Koma was still spouting information. "Cylons are coming...soon..."

"Thanks for the warning." I point my device at him and press the middle button.



"Whoa..." we all manage to say.

Our eyes clear and we wait for the little dots to disappear.

"Where's he go?" Wolverine asked.

The ropes around the chair are empty...we search the room frantically...

"Ow!" I exclaim as something bites my ankle. "Oh...here he is...

Meeting The Execs

I had at first thought to dress a little more conservatively to meet with the network execs, but when I heard the problems Koma was having with the team of writers and shooting the pilot, I decided to stick to my normal outfit.


It does get a bit chilly sometimes, especially when the AC is running full blast, as is the case in the office of head network executive Todd Bently. With him are three other nameless character, all looking like they've been cut from the same bolt of cloth. Literally.

Bently lowers the script he is reading, the original, not the one that's been hacked to pieces by two bit writers. "So what we have here, is a man torn between protecting his family and uncovering the truth."

"Plus lots of action and scandal to go along with it," I reply.

"Hmm, I see that. Hired guns. Daughter being seduced to the dark side, so to speak. It's a frustrated marriage, causing friction...tell me, Miss Ciera...is there going to be any sex in this series?"

"How could there not be when the very danger that they face reignites the passion between Nathan and his wife? Not to mention that Jessika is a young and beautiful woman...no doubt the evil Dingus seducing her to betray her father will involve some sort of sexcapade." I am beginning to feel a little nervous, but am trying not to show it.

"I see that you and your team have already started to go viral," he commented.

Not sure if that was a direct question, I answer anyways. "Yes. I take it you've seen our Paper Jam website that details the cast and characters?"

"It's very impressive. Especially since haven't approved the show yet, or even the pilot. One might even say risky."

"Risk is part of the business! And it shows how much we believe in the message of our show."

"Quite. The thing is...heroic fathers aren't much in demand at the moment. Better that we recast the wife as the hero, and the husband as a bumbling oaf who keeps tipping the hand to the assassin. We like the changeling daughter though."

"You can't change that!" I demand angrily. "That's the very reason why fathers are frowned upon and disregarded as useless these days. TV keeps casting them as oafs! It's time that someone changes this. This show, if you'll allow it to remain as is, will speak to nations as to the role of the father, his struggles between balancing family, work, and duty. You can start that change, if you're brave enough!

"We have plenty of fine sponsors chomping at the bit for this series to be given the green light. Not to mention we'll be using synthoids instead of real actors. Think of the money that would save! If you want that money to go to someone else, then fine...this meeting is over and I'll be on my way..." I stand with a flourish of my cape.

"Oh, sit Miss Ciera." Bently sighs. "It always comes down to the money, doesn't it?"

I sit back down, crossing my legs unladylike, hoping it's seen as provactive. "Do we have a deal? Koma's all set to film a three hour pilot using his synthoids."

"Three hours! That's outrageous!"

I sigh dramatically. "Fine, how does an hour and a half sound? That'll give you a whole half hour to devote to commercials."

"That's much better. All right, go ahead. You've got the green light. Send us the pilot and 12 more episodes...if you can sell it to the public, we'll talk about a second season."

Realizing that's as good as I'm going to get, I sign the paperwork.

"Tell me, how do the stars feel about not acting in the series, instead relying on these synthoids you mentioned?"

"We sold it to them as free publicity. I've even got my crew from last task starting fake blogsites, MySpace and facebook profiles. It keeps them out of trouble."

My cellphone rings and it's Koma. "Don't tell them that there's a fire...please...but get down here now!" he all but yells in my ear.

Bently chuckles. "Maybe you should have set him to writing those fake profiles instead."

"Maybe. If you'll excuse me."

He's still laughing as I leave.

Rising to the Task

As Gyrobo and Koma talk amongst themselves, ignoring me, I find myself in the dream again, even though I'm awake. My sister Ariana is tormenting me with her telepathy and I am powerless to help her. No doubt she would give X a run for his money, I think briefly before another wave of projected images assault me...images of me in various humiliating positions, all public and all painful. Then there was the final straw:

And then I'd had enough. I scream in pure agony. I can take her bullying no more.

Energy courses through my body, crackling at my fingertips. It's as though I've suddenly been plugged into a power station...or a thunderstorm...or a small sun. I feel as though I am on fire.

Abruptly I realize that I am awake and the energy I feel coursing through me is no dream. I flare my hand and suddenly Gyrobo and Koma are both looking at me as tiny streaks of lightning arc prettily from my fingers.

They're staring, in fact. Shock. Awe.

"Oh great," Koma mutters, rolling his eyes. "Red Sonja's going postal on us."

"For the last time...I'm not Red Sonja!" I snapped. "Just because I stole one of her pictures up above and doctored it with paint before I found GIMP doesn't mean anything!"

Gyrobo is slowly inching away from Koma, as he is no doubt surmising that my ire is for Koma and Koma alone. "Hey Koma, I have a great idea...let's let her have another chance at being PM."

"What?! Are you kidding?" Koma asked, but then he looked at me again. "Uhm, yeah. I mean, sure. Why not?

"Good." I declare solemnly. "Now that's settled...to business. I think our obvious message ought to be selling paper. Buy Paper - It's our Friend... It's something Bennett will appreciate."

"You do know that he doesn't actually sell paper, right?" Koma asks.

I swat him lightly upside the head. "Don't be a dolt!"

Maybe I shouldn't have done that, for I forgot about the lightning. Koma's eyes go wide and he swoons, passing out prettily on the divan. "Oops."

"I like that idea," Gyrobo said. "And not just because you're as full of energy as a phoenix rising from its grave nor the fact that you just incapacitated our team mate."



"He'll be ok. I've shocked myself worse trying to repair my ship's warp drive. Seriously, do you have any idea how much power they put out?"

Even now, the little purple man was moaning.

"See? Now, since you a great story teller, why don't you start developing a plot about a man who sells paper...but doesn't."

"You mean kind of like..."

Suddenly he and I are aware of our audience...that is, all of you.

"Dammit," I mutter. "Now we'll have to come up with some other message."

"Why not do both?" Gyrobo suggests. "Make the paper message obvious...but insert a second more subtle message?"

"Hmmm...I like it! Increases our challenge." I look at my fingers, the lightning beginning to die down but not completely gone yet. "Well, that was unusual."

"My dear," interjects Professor X, eyeing my hot outfit, no pun intended. Honest. "You do know I run a school for mutants? I could help you train and harness that power to protect you from your sister."

"Uh-huh. No offense, I think I'd be better off learning on my own. But later. Gyro...pick up Koma and let's go find a more private spot."

Gyrobo lifts the moaning Koma over his shoulder, and follows after me.

Starlite Express Travel Agency

I can't believe Koma's in charge...but Bennett said everybody needed a turn.

He assigns me the task up setting up the travel agency and then takes off to set up some sort of amusement park, all the while muttering about synthoids. The man is cracked I tell you. He didn't even tell me what our slogan was to be!

Setting up shop at a busy space station, where there is lots of traffic. I set to luring as many people to Daogobah as possible. Of course, I hire a gaggle to answer the phones:


And I even hire a couple of guys to go out on the street to lead people to us:




"Bill," I say, "I don't care what you have to do, kidnap people in a van if you have to...just...get...me...people!"

Happy to have work, he stutters and then takes off.

"Obi-Wan..."

"I'll just tell them that it's the will of the Force!" he said almost cheerfully. He disappeared from sight. Man, death sure has changed that guy.

While the girls are giggling, waiting for the phones to start ringing, I post the poster I made:



It's not the best, but it's simple and straightforward. Maybe if Koma had had a few moments to spare for me- no doubt he wants to ruin me...either that or my challenge to mud wrestle him scared him. Sometimes I come on too strong!

So we wait...and wait...Soon enough Bill pulls up in a van and drops off a bunch of people.

They have no problem taking vacations, but they don't want to go to Dagobah. "Too dark and slimy," they said.

"Slimy?! Yoda's home it is!!" I replied.

The first two groups didn't budge, they all wanted to go to Yavin or Endor. I've never seen what's so great about little Wookiees anyway. They are going to be pissed when they discover that the Starlite Shuttles I sent them on land on Dagobah...and even more pissed when they learn that the refund fee costs more than the actual ticket.

Finally a bedraggled family wanders in.



The father walks up to me and introduces himself. "Hi, I'm Clark Griswold. That's my family over there. We're on our family vacation, but the theme park we wanted to go to was closed. There's this creepy ghost out there that said you could help."

"Of course I can! Here at Starlite Express we charter cheap flights to some of the most exotic locales this galaxy can offer. This week's special is a trip to Dagobah."

"Dagobah? I've never heard of it."

"Wonderful!" I exclaim. "What an opportunity to discover one of the galaxy's diamonds! There's something for everyone. There's Koma's theme park for the kids, there's a lovely health spa for the missus, and for yourself sir - you have the choice of exploring the deep woods filled with adventure in the iscover The Wolverine Experience...or..." I lowered my voice just a little. "If you look hard enough, I'm sure you can find some mud wrestling."

"Well sign us up!" he says exuberantly.

He didn't even wait for the bit about Gyro's gryos or the hotdogs!

I send the happy family off.

No doubt he's thinking:



To bad he's gonna find:




And so...with a smile, I move on to the next group of people driven in...

Pitfalls of being demoted

One of the pitfalls of being demoted, is that no one listens to your ideas anymore. Just because I have problems leading, doesn't mean I don't have good ideas!

I listen passively as everybody at the table votes Gyrobo in as "The Boss". I'd gladly hand over my hat --- but the new boss isn't even here!! I slide the hat into the middle of the table...where it mysteriously disappears and is replaced by a note.

Koma grabs the note up and starts chuckling. "It's from The Boss," he says, smirking at me.

I flip him off, but he's too busy reading the note to see. Wolverine saw and grinned at me. "No hard feelings, darling," he whispers to me. "You just let Koma push you around too much."

"I should have brought my bigger sword," I whispered back.

"Are you going to tell us what the note says?" Henchman asked a little impatiently.

Koma reads ~
"* Choose target : Ciera
* Plan and execute kidnapping : Henchman
* Demand ransom : Wolverine
* Make the exchange : Koma"

Great. "Well," I start... "We could do something bold. Kidnap Bennett or one of the judges. Maybe even someone off of the other team. It's just for the game, so no harm no foul right?"

"Ooohhhh, let's kidnap Michael Jackson's corpse!" Koma giggles madly at this.

"No," Wolverine growled. "Let's kidnap Deadpool's teddy bear."

"I kind of like that..." I mentioned.

"Nah," said Henchman. "Let's kidnap Trump."

My cellphone tweets and I check my text message. I groan. "Guys, we might be in trouble. Jon IG just nabbed Mr. Bennett."

"Why the cad!" Koma cried.

"Isn't that cheating?" Henchy asked.

"Why's the Haitian texting you?" was Wolverine's question.

"He's a friend," I reply. "Well, so much for that. We're never going to be able to top that. We'll just have to go a different direction. What about...Brad Pitt. He's famous, handsome, a humanitarian who adopts a lot of kids, has a beautiful wife..."

"I've been meaning to make a synthoid of Angelina," Koma mutters. "This'd be the perfect opportunity..."

"I've always wanted to take on those adopted kids of his. How many's he got now?" Wolverine growled, flexing those muscles.

"I know the perfect place," Henchman volunteered.

"Well, ok then." If they really manage to pull this off, I wonder if they'll let me keep Brad? Probably not.

The others take off, intent on kidnapping Pitt. Now that my part of the task is done, maybe the Haitian could use my help? It's either that or spend the rest of the time 'tweaking' Koma's synthoid of Megan....hmmm.....

I look at the spot where the Boss's hat disappeared and the note reappeared. "Does anyone know where Gyrobo is?!?!"

Not Contintenal?

"Alaska's not part of the Continental US?" I asked, incredulously. "What the frig?!" I look around the table my teammates and I are seated at.

"I tried telling you we should go to Yale," said a quiet voice.

"So you did. And if I survive the Boardroom, you can be project manager next time around." I sigh. "Koma, I'm going to have to put you up on the chopping block. Not only did you run roughshod over the issue of the college, you also allowed Kale to die and you ate the penguin. Everyone else completed their assignments, but we didn't even get any initiates and the one that did survive..." I shake my head in disgust.

"But - but - but..."

"That and you routinely call me names like 'she-devil'. I don't appreciate that."

Flash Boom Ahhhh

She-devil am I? That's not what the hat says, now is it? No, I don't think so.

Rolling my eyes at Koma's melodrama, I head of in search of the faculty offices in order to get the needed faculty approval. How does one start that sort of conversation anyways?

In the second office I peak into, I find a napping John McCain. I double check the name on the door...which reads John McClaine.

????


I go in and wake the old man up. "Are you in the right office?" I ask.

"That's my name on the door, isn't it?" he said with a yawn. He looked at me and straightened his tie. "How can I help you young lady?"

Aw, what the heck. "My group is starting a secret society on Campus here at Maverick U and we need the approval of someone in the faculty. Do you actually work here?"

"After I lost the election, Sarah felt bad so she offered me an honorary position here. I oversee Seal's clubbing. Since there aren't many clubs here, he doesn't go out much. What's the name of your secret society?"






"I see. And what is it you..."

"What are you doing in my office?" demanded a voice.

John and I turned to see the new comer.

"You again?" McCain muttered. "Why don't you just go away?!"

"Because this is my office!"

The two start bickering, and when the fist started flying I decided to leave. I have no desire to see an old man loose.

I wander down the hallway and try another office. The name on the door reads, 'Mace Windu'. Hmm, ok. This guy looks a little more promising.
"Hi! What do you teach?"

Standing there,I suddenly feel wierd...kind of like I have to throw up. I feel this way every time my sister Ariana starts showing off her telepathic skills by blanking my mind, or at least trying to. She never succeeds, just makes me sick to my stomach and gives me a nasty headache. The feeling passes.

"I know why you are here," the tall man says. "What will your society do here?"

Wierd. "Here, I'll show you."

There was a flash, a boom, and he went "Ahhh."

"That wasn't me..." I said. There were more noises and we headed out into the hallway, where there was suddenly lots of smoke.

"They are at it again," he said as the two other teachers ran out of the office. The younger one was chasing the older one.



"Come, follow me," Mace encouraged.

We left the building, which was not a bad idea since it was now on fire.

"What's your name?" I ask as we wander into the parking lot.

"I am Mace Windu. I am sorry, but I cannot approve your society. Already you have disrupted the natural balance here."

"Uhm, it wasn't all that balanced when we got here. If anything, we've brought balance. It makes no sense I know, but two of your so-called teachers just blew up one of the buildings. That's not much different than one of our meetings, so hey - why not."

"I see your point," he said. Still he looked disturbed.

"Look," I said. "All you need to do is approve our society, we'll be gone with-in the semester anyway."

"Tempting. Is that a promise?"

"Uhm, sure."

"Then you have my approval, Flash Boom Ahh! Go and do whatever it is you need to do and begone from this place."

"Thank you!" Impulsively I give him a kiss on the cheek and walk away.

Now to go clubbling with Seal...after all, that is one of the majors offered...

Better Late Than Never

I think I missed the midnight deadline, but can you blaim me when I have to deal with four men...well, some of them are men and some of them used to be. I mean, come on...look at what they did to my persona...



They did not do that easily. Still, I got off easier than Henchy did.

It doesn't matter where the ideas come from, Koma...it's the execution that counts. A good leader listens to the ideas posed, discards the rubble and then runs with the good. It's not my fault that you have glass...Anyways, you had good ideas, I was just better at delivering them as orders.

And that's all I can tell you, the rest is a victorious secret.

Besides, when girl has Wolverine on her side, how can she lose?

Deja Vu

Oh my - I beam into the Kirby Plaza and the first thing I see is this huge Lego statue in the middle of a fountain. While it may be a priceless piece of art...couldn't they have found a more appealing color? Steel blue-grey...or maybe sword-metal silver?

Now the water on the other hand, looks wondrous and very inviting. Living on a ship like I do, I don't get to see that much water in one place. Except when I go planet side. But then I hardly ever get to seek out a decent bath because I'm too busy getting into some kind of trouble. It's not that I go looking for it...honest. It just kind of finds me.

I don't know for certain. But maybe it's because I'm the misfit of my family? Maybe it's my red hair, or the fact that I like swords. Maybe it's this cool cape I stole from my sister's closest when she was away at summer camp in the Heights? Every family has to have it's black sheep and somehow I got volunteered.

I sigh and walk away through the sunny plaza...and then stop. Before me I see Professor X, I can never get over how much he looks like a friend of mine, and Mr. Bennett...and Gyrobo...Jon IG...wow, talk about Deja Vu. Didn't I just go through a contest with these characeters not that long ago? I do see a few characters that I don't recognize, but I'm sure it won't take that long to get aquainted. All I need now would be to run into that Nefaria...wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake?

Refusing to let the bellhop carry my one bag, I stride through the hotel confidently, at least letting him show me the way to my room. Well, the rooms I'll be sharing with my team mates at any rate.

The rooms are not as spacious as I would have hoped. I find a bedroom to call my own and go in search of the bathroom. I really want a bath!

The door is unlocked, so I head on in.



"Pardon me!" I exclaim. Odd how his hair is flat. Must be what happens when he gets it wet.

"I ain't no president to be pardoning nobody," he nearly growls. But then he smiles, and says to me, "Hey, you wanna conserve water and hop on in?"

Hmm...a little on the coarse side, but at least he makes great eye candy.