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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Interviewing for the Position

I tugged at my best clothes that I pulled out for this interview. I don't know why: I hate interviews and I hate Hell O'Kitty. But they made me look half way respectable in this place where paper executives walked the halls: at least we were in the executive offices rather than around the mail room. All the men wear those nice $5,000 suits that are perfectly tailored to their....*sigh*

"Ms. Nepharia," a voice called, shaking me from my silent fantasy. I looked up. "Ms. Kitty can see you now, if you will follow me."

She led me down the hall to a small meeting room where Hell sat waiting for me.

Giggling slightly, she spoke: "I'm so glad to finally meet you, Lady Nepharia!" she said as she stood up and took my hand in her furry little one and shook it vigorously.

"Thank you, er, it's nice to be here," I answered.

"Please!" she motioned to the table and pulled out a chair, "Do sit down so we can have a nice chat."

"Thank you," was all I could say. Getting seated, the little cat sat forward and put her paws on my knees.

"Now," she began, giggling once more, "tell me all about yourself -- I'm dying to hear about you: life as a Sith Lord must be *SO* exciting!"

"It has it's moments," I responded. "Aren't you going to ask me about how I qualify for this new apprentice position?" I asked.

"Well, ok," she conceded. "Can you tell me what qualifies you to work for our little paper company as a spy and assassin?"

"Well, as my former master would tell me, 'Nepharia, you have a Masters in Talking Back, and a PhD in Kicking People's Ass. Go out and put them to use.' "

"My point exactly;" she flipped her hand at me. "From what I know, you've been apprentice to people much worse than Noah Bennett and have kicked ass from one end of the galaxy to the other -- not even Mr. Bennett can make *that* claim," she said, shaking her head so furiously, that her ribbon bobbed about.

I sat a moment in awkward silence. "So what do you want to hear?" I asked.

"What does one do as a Sith Lord?" she said, cocking her head slightly. "Do you have special powers?"

"Actually, I have many," I answered.

She clapped her little paws together. "Oh, goodie!" she exclaimed. "Which one is your *favorite*!" she sat up straight in her chair, looking eagerly into my eyes.

"Well, I guess it would have to be the way I can subtly change my features -- it can help me blend in or stand out or create fear in my opponent. Depending upon the circumstance, any of these can can be useful."

"Ooooooooo," she ooo'ed, "can you show me?"

So I did.

"Oh my *heavens*!" she sat back in her chair. "You can be terrifying!" and she covered her little eyes. I reverted back to my original form.

"So," she began hesitantly, "Do you know how to do hand to hand fighting?" She seemed a little nervous after this question.

"Actually, it's one of the first things we learn as a youngling: to defend ourselves." I answered. "It still helps me to know how to do this."

She looked at the door and scooted forward in her chair and whispered: "Can you give me a demonstration?"

"Well," I began. "it's a little difficult when you don't have anyone to spar with."

She giggled. "How about we go to the lunch room?"

I thought about it a moment and nodded. "That would work."

We got up and walked to the 4th floor cafeteria, just in the entrance. I looked down at her and she motioned me further into the room:

When I got back to her, she was standing -- mouth agape -- in surprise. I wasn't sure what she was thinking.

"That.....was.....AWESOME!!!!!!" she said. "I wish I could do that."

"Of course you can," I said, "every should know how to defend herself to some extent."

"Truth be told, I've always wanted to play the bad guy, but I'm under contract to portray the nice little kitty, always a NICE little kitty, JUST A NICE LITTLE KITTY!" and she stamped her little foot on the floor. "I tell you, it just gets old sometimes going around being happy and cheerful no matter what anyone says to you."

"I'm sure it does," I commented, "Why don't you stand up to people?" I asked. "Tell them what *you* want."

"Oh," she looked at the floor sheepishly, "I could never do that..."

"That is where you are wrong," I answered. "I can feel the anger and frustration within you...use it to your advantage: it will make you strong."

"But how?" she asked.

"How do you feel when they tell you to just be that 'nice little kitty'?" I aksed.

"Well," she began, furrowing her little furry forehead, "It makes me angry."

"And don't kitties come with natural defenses?" I asked.


"Don't you have claws?" I asked.


"Don't you have sharp teeth?" I asked.


"Aren't you a natural hunter?" I asked.


Next thing I know, I find her under one of the tables:

After crawling out from under the table, she smoothed her fur and straightened the bow on her ear.

"Lady Nepharia, I think we are done with this interview," she said finally. "Thank you for your time; we will be in touch, I'm sure."

All in all, I think that went fairly well.


  1. Sweet serenity! You turned Hello Kitty to the Dark Side!

  2. That was a surprise. I figured the interview would end with some road kill kitty in the corner of the room. Instead there was some grrl power going on. Well done.