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Saturday, July 11, 2009

First Boardroom

"What do you think?" I asked my trusted associates.

"I think the dog let them down," The Haitian replied.

"Not Mr. Muggles!" Claire whined. "He's such a cutie! I'm sure he just got confused, lost in traffic or something. He's just a little dog. What about that Jon guy? He didn't even show up at all."

"True," I thought it over, "but the professor didn't pick him."

"It is going to be tough," The Haitian said. I nodded in agreement.

"They can come back in now," I spoke into the intercom.

The dog, the professor and that boy (I can never remember his name) entered anxiously. Xavier floated his hover chair up to the boardroom table. The kid took a seat next to him, and Mr. Muggles hopped on his lap.

"Charles," I said in a disappointing tone. "Charles."

Don't fire me. I felt the words enter into my head faintly.

"Trying to get inside my head? Not with my friend here, Charles. So, what happened? Should I fire you? Did you let your team down?"

"Not at all," Professor X replied. "Everything good we did was thanks to my leadership. Everything else was their fault."

"Hmm..." I looked over at Mr. Muggles. "Is this true?"

He growled at the professor.

"I don't know," I confessed. "I really don't know who to fire. Maybe I should fire you, Lenny."

"Lyle," Leslie corrected me.

I repeated, "Maybe I should fire you, Lane."

"Ly--nevermind. Don't fire me, Dad. Fire Muggles. He's useless."

"Oh, my God, Lyle! Like you are so useless too!" Claire interjected.

"I know you are but what am I?" he retorted.

I nodded, "Good point."

Claire stuck her tongue out at him.

I looked over my three options, thinking over the upcoming decision. "This is going to be difficult. Charles, you did screw up the team's tattoos. Spongebob? How can you think Spongebob was an Aztec god? They didn't even have sponges back then. And you're supposed to be a professor!"

He sat silently.

"But you did," I continued, "do a good job with the caps. Also your team had a superior project manager title and logo, both thanks to Nepharia, but, I don't know, maybe your leadership had something to do with that?"

"Of course," he responded.

"And then Lloyd didn't really do much, and you guys didn't come up with a celebrity endorsement. I don't know, maybe your leadership had something to do with that?"

"Nonsesne!" he responded.

"Mr. Muggles. Did you do anything for the team at all? Maybe you could have gotten the celebrity endorsement for them. Who knows, you guys could have won. What happened? Did you get lost in traffic? Claire thinks you got lost in traffic. I don't know which is more embarrassing, forgetting to do your job or getting lost in traffic."

The dog let out a whimper and bowed its little head down on the table.

"And Leonard. Why are you even here? Nobody knows who you are. You have no marketable skills. Do you lend anything to this team?"

"I have mad ninja skills," he replied. "I can almost bend spoons with my mind, and today my socks are matching."

"Not bad," I replied, "but you're nothing really special. Maybe it's not your fault. I don't know. Maybe your parents didn't believe in you, maybe they didn't encourage you to be anything. Maybe they neglected you. Didn't your father ever play catch with you or something?"

"No," he answered, "you are my father."

"No, no," I replied to his nonsensical accusation. "That's not true. That's impossible."

"Do we vote now?" Professor X asked.

"No voting," I answered. "I fire one of you. But I'm not sure yet who it's going to be. Professor X for his bad leadership? The team really didn't function. Mr. Muggles for getting lost in traffic? He let his team down. Lebron for being less than mediocre? He really is sub-mediocre. It's going to be a difficult decision."

"Let's hear what you three have to say. Why did you lose? Whose fault was it? Who should I fire?"


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I am sorry that no one would answer my applications for celebrity endorsements. If I was to survive this board room, I shall step up and be the next PM. At least I mad an effort.

  3. You mad and effort?

    Yeah you did. I say we get rid of Chuck.

    Baldy go bye-bye

  4. Get rid of the cripple. They are not really people anyway.