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Saturday, July 11, 2009

Task One: Winners

"Send them in," I said into the speaker phone.

The contestants walked into the boardroom one by one and took their seats in front me.

I didn't understand what they were snickering about. The boardroom is usually a very intimidating place.

I decided to get things moving. Looking over at Claire to my left, I asked, "How did Team One do?"

"Um, like which one?"

"Team One."

"You're confusing me, Dad!"

I pointed at the caped Australian and said, "Them."

"Oh, okay!" Claire smiled. "They did really, really good, like really! Their team name is Victorious Secret and here's their logo."

"Interesting," I said nodding. "Simple, intimidating, explosive, boob-related...not bad."

Claire continued her report, "Their project manager is Ciera, who goes by the title of, like, The Boss. Gyrobo asked some brain thingy for a good title and then he, like, blew up all his hamsters to, like, stop his partner from, like, turning on him and stuff."

"Good use of lower lifeforms," I added nodding at Gyrobo.

"They live to be used," the odd robot replied.

"Then, for their celebrity endorsement," Claire went on, "Wolverine used jailbait to lure Charlie Sheen to him, then used beer to train him into endorsing Victorious Secret."

"What's jailbait?" I asked.

"Your daughter," Captain Koma answered.

"Hmm..." I thought it over, "Well, in that case, you shouldn't put jailbait into a risky situation. Jailbait is precious and should be protected at all costs."

"I, like, agree," stated Claire. "Oh, and the branding! Koma, like, tested out tattoos on a baby and a pope, then, like, made an apple. And then, um, he, like, totally made explosive underwear or something for the team to wear outside their clothes."

"Alright then," I looked over at The Haitian, "And how about Team Two?"

"Team One."

"No, we did them already. Team Two."

"Yes, Team One."



"Just get on with it."

"Team Two picked the name Team One and went with this logo."

Even the original Team One oohed and awwed at the sight. "Very good. Floaty, even," I responded.

"Professor X provided baseball caps for the team and tattooed Spongebob on them without their knowledge thinking it was an Aztec god. He was also the project manager. Nepharia came up with the title of 'El Jefe' which I think means The Jeff in Spanish."

"It means 'the boss' in Spanish," I corrected him. "That's a really excellent logo. And the name, Team One, very mysterious with a hint of subterfuge. Then, even though the project manager title was as unoriginal as Victorious Secret's, at least you went with a foreign translation of it."

"Foreign? Don't you remember living in California?" Mr. Muggles barked.

Ignoring my wife's pet rat, I said, "I'm really impressed. Love the baseball caps. The Spongebob was a mistake, but the logo and team name are excellent. And you one upped them on the project manager title. I don't think there's anyway you could lose this now."

I looked over at The Haitian, waiting for him to continue.


"Go on," I said. "Celebrity endorsement?"

Mr. Muggles buried his nose behind Lyle.

The Haitian spoke, "There was no celebrity endorsement."

I glared at Team One. "No celebrity endorsement?"

"That's Victorious Secret," Claire said.

I glared at Team One. "No celebrity Endorsement?"

"You stuck me on a team of misfits!" Nepharia spoke up, "A dog can't do anything! And Jon is...we don't know where he is. And this kid here...he saved me from Company goons, but come on, why is he even here? He's useless. And the Professor is bald, not to mention he has a bum ankle now."

"Hmm...well, it looks like this week's winners are Victorious Secret." I paused to allow a moment for team cheering and celebration. "Professor X, you were El Jefe this round. Choose two others from your team to join you in the boardroom. One of you will be fired."