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Friday, July 17, 2009

A good initiation is like a good firm spanking

Maverick University, Alaska or The MAV as the locals like to call it. Tom Cruise actually came for the grand opening in 1987. The Mav provides for the unique edcational needs of this very unique state. Being the only university in the world that gives a Batchelor in Seal Clubbing, certainly makes it stand out from the crowd.

After chosing The Mav we had to come up with a secret society. Many possible names were floated but the one that rose to the top was
Flash Boom Ahhh!
The t-shirts are going to sell like hot cakes.
The other tasks available in this challenge we're frivolous and only one of them demanded my specialist attantion, Facutly Advisor. I hold multiple degreees in Physics, Medicine, Enginerring and Modern Dance. However, my plans were thwarted by that sultry amazon, Ciera.
"Your doing the initiations Koma." she said breathlessly.
"What!" I protested. "Surely you're more capable when it comes to corporal punishment than I am."
"Yes your right." she purred with malevolence. "But I'm the Boss it says so on the hat doesn't it."
Damn! Gyrobo and his Boss cap. One day I'm going to be wearing that Boss cap then that she-devil's gonna learn a thing or two. Mark my words.

Of course then I had to deal with the 5 pustulant pre-pubesent post-modern popscicles, didn't I. Oh and Ciera left me a list of what I had to do. As if I didn't know anything about initiation, why, I still wake up screaming about my initiation into Fi Fo Fum.
So I took their names.
"Hang on!" I said trying to understand somthing. "One of you doesn't have a Last or Family name and its not the cute penguin."
"I'm not cute I'm a world class surfer." protested the penguin.
I left it there.

2. Give them a challenge.

"Okay your challenge is to save a smoking hawt damsel in not much of a dress." I tell them. I open the door to the Flash Boom Ahhh! Library to reveal my latest synthoid clone. I make them to order, this ones gonna make me a fortune in Japan.
"Whoa!" exclaim the drooling detritus dripping deliberatley on the library floor.
"She's not even my species and I'm attracted to her." declared the penguin dreamily.
"Whose first?" I ask. At once four hands and one flipper shoot into the air.

Later at the challenge location things weren't looking good the first 3 initiates had failed.
"So I just run to her and bring her back here?" said Kale.
"While doging the giant robot trying to kill you." I remind him.
"Yeah. I got that." replied Kale. Which was the last I ever herd from him. Unless you count "Arrrgh!" and those cruchy sounds that the human body makes when being crushed by a few thousand tons of robot.
"Well Cody it looks like its up to you." I said to the penguin who was the last name on the list.
"Yeah its just me and that huge robot. I won't let you down Zee" said the Penguin with determination. It was amazing to watch this little bird from the antarctic racing around a giant robot to save a female that wasn't even his own species. What was even more amazing was that he did it.
"So what do I get as a prize?" asked the pengiun puffed up with pride.
"You get to be in the positon of honour at the Flash Boom Ahhh! dinner tonight." I tell him.
"Thats just great. Its black tie isn't it?" joked Cody. "I'll be there."
Cody was there and he was delicious.


  1. In Haiti, we are taught English at a young age. I guess the same is not true for Australians.

    You realize the task was to initiate, not eat, new members?

  2. Are you sure you aren't just Sylar in disguise? And I bet you went for the brains first, didn't you?

  3. We at Flash Boom Ahhh! are looking for an indivual who is tough, inteligent, handsome and able to stop even his leaders from eating him. Those 5 initiates failed to do so.

  4. Poor delicious penguins, they never had a chance.