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Friday, July 10, 2009

Team #2 is #1!

My hover chair floated silently up to the receptionist's desk at the Prima Tech Paper Company. Behind the smooth marble counter sat a young blond woman who wore the most severe look on her face. I was going to ask her where the conference room for Team 2 was located, but there was something about her attitude that I didn't like so I just took the information from her mind telepathically. I moved down the hall to the elevator and went on to the sub-basement. Inside the conference I found the Sith warrior, Nepharia seated at the circular table and a small, yellowish rodent lying on top of it.

"Why is there a rat on the table?" I asked Nepharia.

"I am not a rodent!" the creature barked back at me. "I am a prize Pomeranian. I have won four very prestigious awards. Pomeranians are the most esteemed breed of sports dog on the planet. We're of the Spitz family, you know," the rat sniffed.

"Yes well, I'm a cat person," I answered, pulling up to the table.

"What's with the chair, Xavier?" Nepharia asked with a smirk. "I thought you gave it up since the fact that you just use it as a cheap pick-up trick was exposed."

Sigh. "First of all, there's nothing cheap about it. This light-weight composite alloy hover chair cost about $3,500,000. Second, I broke my ankle yesterday slipping on a damn half-melted slide that Iceman had left lying around inside the mansion."

The little rodent's tail wagged with cocky satisfaction. "Where's Jon?" I asked.

Nepharia rolled her eyes. "He was called away into space on some "heroic" emergency, supposedly. I'm guessing he had to get his back waxed."

"Well that's just great. And what about this Kyle person?"

"That's Lyle!" yipped the rat.

"Fine. Where is he?"

Nepharia and the rat looked at each other and then both shrugged.

I shook my head. "Okay, it's just us. Now let's see what's first with this stupid task is . . select a project manager." I looked up at the others. "Well that should be me, obviously. I am the founder of the X-Men and . . "

"Yip! Yip!" shouted the rat. "I won four, count them four, major awards in show! I am the one with the most . . "

I reached into Mr. Muggles' mind and "convinced" him to agree to my leadership. Nepharia had no objection.

"Now then, Nepharia. You're . . creative. Why don't you do the logo? It says here to keep it mysterious. We need a name, too. Any ideas?"

"How about Kibbles and Bits!" barked the rat.

"Taken," I said. "And this also has to be mysterious. I'm thinking something with an X in it. It's sort of traditional. We could be the X-Men II."

"You're the only man," Nepharia helpfully pointed out.

"Well it's "men" in the larger, more poetic sense."

"How about Team One?" Nepharia said with a wry smile.

"What do you mean? I should telepathically read their minds and steal their name? I could do that, I suppose."

"No, no," she said. "I mean why don't we call ourselves Team One?"

"But we're Team Two?" I replied.

"Yes but that's how we create confusion, obfuscation and hence . . . mystery."

"Hmm. Weird, but I like it. Any objection, Muggles?" The dog started to protest but I telepathically "persuaded" him to shut up. "Now then, Muggles, why don't you go out and get us a celebrity?"

"Me?" he asked.

"Sure, you've won awards, right? That means your famous. Celebrities like celebrities. That should be right up your alley. If Lyle shows up, he can cater our future board meetings."

"What's the title going to be for our Project Manager?" Nepharia asked.

"How about 'Project Manager'," I suggested.

"Lame," she answered. "How about Sith Lord?"

"That sounds silly. How about . ."

"Kibble and Bits!" barked the rat.

"No. That is also 'lame'. Perhaps something exotic. El Jefe. Grand Pooh Ba. Exalted Leader. Ultimo. Mr. Fantastic. Exquisite . ."

"El Jefe," Nepharia said impatiently. "And the branding?"

I slowly smiled. I'll take care of that."

Nepharia gave me an odd look when she saw the caps.

"What?" I asked.

"Baseball caps? Really? That's the best you could do?"

"First of all," I told her in my best patronizing professor voice, "they aren't baseball caps. They're military caps. Left over SHIELD issue. Second, these are just a diversion. Subterfuge. Maskerovich. Camouflage. The real brand is this . . pull up your left sleeve."
Raising one eyebrow, Nepharia lifted her sleeve to reveal . .


"Spongebob??!!" she screamed.
"Er, no. It's Chuxtcletma. A powerful Aztec god dedicated to conquering . ."
"No, you idiot! It's Spongebob Squarepants! How did this even get on my arm??"
"Well, I put all of you to sleep telepathically and had the tattoo artist apply them. But he assured me this character is actually . . "
"I better be able to get this off, Xavier!"
With that she stormed out, slamming the door hard.


  1. Interesting choice of name. Very mysterious.

    The caps are a nice touch, too. It brings uniformity and hides the abnormalities of a hairless head.

    El Jefe would be good if your team name was The Three Amgios, but then we'd have a counting problem.

    Kibbles and Bits.

  2. Yes, and I had that damn tattoo updated to better reflect my personality: